If therapy has taught me anything it’s that the ultimate position is one where your emotional, mental, and spiritual Batman tool belt is fully stocked with everything you need to get it poppin. And you can look at the mountain and just as easily say “TODAY I’M CLIMBING THAT MOTHERFUCKER” or “nah I don’t feel like climbing today…but I could if I wanted to.”
All the while feeling equally rooted and confident in either decision.
Having the freedom to move surefootedly—even in uncertain terrain—is an ill feeling.
But that shit has taken 432 days of work and self talks and constantly adjusting the knobs to tune in to where I’m at and where I’d like to be.
And ultimately when you’re fully tuned in to yourself you don’t need the distractions nor the self-soothing of past vices because now you’re truly enjoying the show yourself. You don’t need to take your mind elsewhere in any given moment because being right HERE right NOW with your WHOLE self is beautiful.
You don’t want to run away anymore.
You want to feel it all.
Because you know you’re gonna be straight no matter where this road may lead.
You’ve found the way to fill in your happiness pie chart even while rolling solo deep. Just me, myself, and I. And any extra love you get on top from any place outside of yourself is simply bonus content. Icing on the cake. The peanuts on the hot fudge sundae.
My emotional cup overfloweth, dude.
That’s an ill feeling, right?
Believe me it feels ill just to say it out loud to myself!
I’m here now to live in full volume. I’m not here to shrink away. Or as the song says…this little light of mine…I plan to let that motherfucker shine.
I like to think that this is a special feeling of finally being in a place of abundance rather than the place of fear—of possibly “going without”—that used to run my life for so long. I don’t need anything else because I’ve got everything I need. Home is wherever I’m at. I’m good in any hood. You get the idea.
I know Thanksgiving Thursday is still 5 days a way, but I’m already feeling thankful like a motherfucker.
And I hope you can enjoy a plate of what I’m feeling right now someday for yourself.